16/04 before

I’m the kind of person who hates to take decisions. It’s not because they are difficult the most of the time, it’s because I’m afraid of failing and regretting it for the rest of my life. I hate reminding myself of things I should have done and now it’s too late. I regret stupid things like not to learn how to play an instrument or things that are more important like me taking a bad way on purpose, even thought I knew it was a mistake. My life has been always defined by the way the guilt and the stress are all pulled together. If I’m honest, I dont know how to enjoy life the most of the time, I dont know how to handle happiness at all. I feel like all my memories have showed me that they are decisions that are more statements that decisions themselves. Maybe all this time I thought I was deciding it was more the destiny working in the way it should be. But it’s ok, it’s better to notice the truth late than not noticing it at all.

I’m ready now.

I will let myself live for the last time, I will let me have the last fantasy before I get the courage to lock up my  heart forever, to get my mind focus on the fate that is waiting. I was being to coward but I want to do the step foward; I’m ready to prove myself and find the truth finally. I will let myself, I will let my heart to follow its instinc once more and see what it can obtain. Maybe I will find again the strenght to fight and wait for the person I have always dreamt of or maybe, I will find myself shattered again and the way will be obvious and inevitable. I’m ready to test it and find the truth. I will let you be my last shoot. Maybe the end is soon…

Maybe the truth is near.

Chiamerà Butterfly dalla lontana.
Io senza dar risposta
me ne starò nascosta
un po’ per celia
e un po’ per non morire
al primo incontro;
ed egli alquanto in pena
chiamerà, chiamerà:
“Piccina mogliettina,
olezzo di verbena”
i nomi che mi dava al suo venire.
Tutto questo avverrà,
te lo prometto.
Tienti la tua paura,
io con sicura fede l’aspetto.