Nunca más

Yo recordaba vividamente el dolor del desamor. Aún así, me arriesgué no solo 1 vez más… me arriesgué 2.

Nunca pensé que el dolor podía ser aún más intenso, aún más duradero, aún más desolador que toda una vida anterior ¿Qué podría yo hacer sino consagrar mi alma a no sentir ese dolor otra vez? Nada queda de mí que pueda soportarlo, ellos se lo llevaron todo excepto mi corazón que crujió en pedazos entre mis dedos. ¿Qué podría yo… sino prometerme “jamás, nunca más”?

Que me quede el recuerdo (esta vez en serio) del quebrantar de mis ilusiones para que mi voluntad nunca vuelva a flaquear. Quiero por favor esta vez… ser la primera en irse.

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Love letter (goodbye).

Dear you,

I was dropped from your hands.

I was dropped and like in that poem that I love… I wanted you to lift me up because I wanted to live. Desperately. Live. But the truth and the fact is that you don’t want me to do so. I remember a lot of things from the brief time we were together, I’m not gonna lie: you got me like no other got me before, I accept that I didn’t notice that I was falling in love. I was… maybe you don’t know, I was enchanted by the way you were, the way you treated me, how your words touched me without any effort. How many things you told me you wanted us to do together? how many nights you made laugh and told me you couldn’t wait to see me? I was never treated like that before, I felt like the flower I always wanted to be in your hands…

I remember the magic between us, I remember how everything seemed perfect in its own imperfection. I was ready to give you my heart when you started to fade away like sand through (again) in my hands. How many times I felt lost wondering what was happening, how I could make it stop? I didn’t want you to leave, no, you were the guy I pictured in my dreams, in the most secret part of my mind. No, you were even better, you were a real thing asking me about my favorite flowers, about my passion, my life… I really thought, like in that poem, that I was created in the sea of your eyes. I found myself wondering about lands that never interested me before, I wanted to see a world that never asked me to be explored. I wanted to be with you and finally feeling alive for the first time. Dance in the starry night, caress you, oh you don’t know I was about to start to love you like nobody will love you in your whole life. I wanted to adore you, to heal your wounds but especially I wanted to you to be loved as I felt you deserve…

You know the end of this, you were the one who took the way. You hurt me, maybe you didn’t realize it but you did hurt me. One day I was talking with my dreams and the other I saw them going slowly without notice. That’s not true, you told me, you told me you were about to disappear but cutie, I suffered a month watching you walked away without nothing to do. I did like you, I was ready to do a lot for you, I did like you. It still hurts a little. I cannot be here anymore because you left me first. I know you weren’t ready but love, why did you have to find me to figure it that out?

I hope you find what you want, that freedom that you think you can find on other lips, in other lands. I hope you find that missing part that doesn’t let you stay with me. I wish you the happiness I wanted to give you. I cannot wait for you anymore, I was about to give you my heart when you ran away, that hurt. I hope you can remember me one day and at least smile with my memories as I will do with yours.

Loving you in my own way forever,

I.