After 1 year

Dear you,

I hate thinking and writing this… I miss you.

I can’t avoid thinking of what could have been the future for us, just if we had allowed ourselves to happen. I have never stopped thinking of you and it hurts. I wish you could hear me now and see me.

There is an expression that I was never able to understand before you. People said that there is a moment when you meet someone and then all the pain you experienced before doesn’t matter anymore, because the only important thing is that it leads you to that person. You think that pain was worth it just for having that person in front of you. I’m not gonna lie to you, I never did, I thought that was crappy nonsense but then you and the emocional thought of “It doesn’t matter what happened before because now you are here with me” were there. How dumb of myself. I know you didn’t do it on purpose but when you left, my heart shattered in thousands of small pieces. I know you didn’t mean it, you didn’t want to harm me in any way, I give you that but you did anyway and I did it to myself dreaming about us too soon even if it felt right. Since that I still collecting my small parts and when I think I finish… I found another little piece to remind me of your smile. It reminds me of that night when I thought everything was possible. That night when holding you close to me was mutual, when you took my hand between yours and everything was warm and felt like home for the first time in years. I found myself incapable to forget that feeling and still long for it.

I miss you, I miss everything I got from you. I miss your eyes, your hair, the way you play with food and how enthusiastic you were about simple things. I miss the promises you made and you broke. I miss the dates we planned and never had, I miss the feeling when you told me you family knew about me. I miss having you near and a future to look forward to. I miss you and I know you are far away from me, hopefully happier than I could make you.

I hate missing you but everything I had from you.

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